i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
