I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
