Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
