Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
