Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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