I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
