He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
