I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
