It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
