Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
