Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
