you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You dont lie about slip and slides
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
