My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
