So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
