It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
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Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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