The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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