I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I can text with my tongue
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
