On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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