I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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