One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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