people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
50% drunk capacity currently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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