Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
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cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
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I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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