i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
