another moral hangover. fuck.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
what day is it and did you see me today?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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