She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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