she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
