WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
