my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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