Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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