You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
