soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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