You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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