Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We had sex on a dog bed..
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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