i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
