I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
