That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
