I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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