watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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