I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
