I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
