planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
