Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
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we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
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Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize