I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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