Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
