i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
