i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
