Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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