i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
