I puked a lego.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize