so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
