im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
