dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
