I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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