i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
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He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
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I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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