Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
