A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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