so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
