So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
where are my eyebrows?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
