dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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