its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize