Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
