honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
