Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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