You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
