; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
