Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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