Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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