first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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