Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
