Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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