im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
