At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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