my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
