I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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