I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
