you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize