Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
