...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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