had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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