I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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