i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
