I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
