I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
