the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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