So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i can't believe i had my finger in that
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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