Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
